Dienstag, 17. Dezember 2013

the perks of being a wallflower - 8,1

I am arrived at a point of my life, where I somehow think that all I am doing, is done in a wrong way, or does not have any sense. What I want to say is that I am not really sure why I am living the way I do. Like why am I studying? Or why am I not having the "time of my life" when all other students are living their own dream? I mean I am happy, I am not having any serious problems in general, but I am somehow sad in a way I can not describe. It's not that happyness I show when I am having fun with my friends when I go out. I am not smiling the way when I see my family. I am not reaching my self-fulfillment I actually want to reach. The problem here is, what am I even trying to reach? How can I reach something when I don't know what I am actually searching for.

I have a huge irrational brain who is working non-stop like a public washing machine. I want to reach a better life, to a point where I stop being dumb, a point where I can start living my own dream. I don't know yet what my dream is, but I know it has to be great. I am like that nerd that evey school class has, I am the bitch of everyone neighbourhood, I am the white sheep in a black community. (I converted the colours  for not being racist huehue)

Laying in my bed, always helps. Tea always helps. Even white chocolate helps me sometimes to keep my mind up, and not to give up. It's hard to do things when you don't know where the sense in them is. How can you for instance watch a movie, when you ae not interested in. Or eating something you do not like. I would like to know why all students have their lives so easy, studying, partying, eating, having fun. 


I am troubling with my research for the sense of life. 


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2 Kommentare:

  1. Unknown2. Januar 2014 um 06:43

    I know you wrote this a while ago but I still want to comment on it. The thing is, you are not alone, you are not the only one having those thoughts. I too am wondering how the people around me can be so happy, how they are able to make life seem so easy. It's hard to see behind the facade people show the world, it's hard to see the way they question themselves and are wondering about the same things you are. I think in public we all wear masks for others to see, for each occasion a different one, and when we are alone we take them off, wondering why we aren't able to see the true faces of the people around us. We tend to forget that we are not the only ones wearing those masks, that we are not the only ones hiding our vulnerability.
    Figuring out what you want and what your goal are in life isn't easy but no one said you had so search for them alone.

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  2. Salomea's Blog4. Januar 2014 um 05:49

    The thing is that sometimes other people just seem a lot happier than they are in reality.But everyone has their own problems and troubles.Don't think that you're the only one with those thoughts. Maybe you need some change and reaching out of your comfort zone. Think of your dreams, make goals for them and be more active, also, taking up a new hobby can be helpful. Wish you luck!

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